Guide to 'Witzischkeit' - The ABC of Carnival - Guide to 'Witzischkeit' - The ABC of Carnival

What's an "I-costume"? What does a Grapscher do at the carnival parade? And who on earth is Ernst Neger? This quick carnival A-to-Z will help you navigate the madness.

Carnival can be confusing. Here's your guide from A to Z:

A for Alcohol – "I can celebrate carnival without alcohol" is a statement firmly in the realm of myth. (Manuel Andrack)

B for Beer – Not to everyone's taste in carnival strongholds. Nobel laureate Heinrich Böll once called Cologne's Kölsch a "diuretic local brew." A popular euphemism for Düsseldorf's Altbier: "Three-letter euthanasia."

C for Carneval, King – Originally, there was no Carnival Prince but a "King Carneval" (spelled with a C back then). In the 19th century, Prussian authorities intervened: Prussia has only one king, and he sits in Berlin.

D for Dreigestirn (Triumvirate) – Cologne's ruling trio: the Prince, the Farmer, and the Virgin.

E for Ephemeral Inhibition – The calendar-prescribed "wittiness" of carnival lasts exactly five days. The motto: Party today, fall back in line tomorrow.

F for Fasching – A forbidden word in Cologne and Düsseldorf. In a Tatort episode, Detective Max Ballauf (Klaus J. Behrendt) once groaned about "Fasching fever." Forensic examiner Joseph Roth (Joe Bausch) retorted: "Call it Fasching to someone who doesn't like you as much as I do, and you're a dead man in Cologne."

G for Grapscher – The carnival parade's most ruthless candy-grabber, who'll hold up an umbrella to catch the most Kamelle (sweets) and, if necessary, step on a child's fingers to snatch a chocolate bar.

H for Höhner – A carnival band whose songs subtly declare that Cologne is perfect just the way it is—because if it weren't, it wouldn't be Cologne. See: "Kölle du bes e Jeföhl" ("Cologne, You're the Best Feeling").

I for I-costume – Once a classic, now the costume that must not be named. Those who can't resist should call it a Winnetou costume instead.

J for Jeck – Cologne dialect for "fool," derived from the Dutch gek (crazy) and the German geck (jester).

K for Küpper, Karl – The boldest carnival orator in history. During the Nazi era, he raised his arm in a Hitler salute but said, "Is et am räne?" ("Is it raining?") instead of "Heil Hitler!" He was banned from performing for life for "mocking the German salute."

L for In Praise of Folly – A book by humanist Erasmus of Rotterdam (1466/69–1536), the intellectual foundation for all forms of satire, parody, and mockery in European thought.

M for Furniture Store – The escape route for those who refuse to embrace organized revelry. Their motto: "The trick is to disappear until Ash Wednesday rolls around again."

N for Neger, Ernst – The biggest star of Mainz's Fastnacht (carnival). Lived from 1909 to 1989. One theory suggests his song "Heile heile Gänsje" subliminally offered post-war Germans absolution for their guilt.

O for Orders – Once meant to parody courtly and military honors, but they've since become fetishized status symbols.

P for Princess Dress – Yesterday, an office clerk; today, a princess in a pink frock with a plastic tiara. Nowhere is carnival as authentic and subversive as in the act of dressing up.

Q for Quibbling – If you get hit by Kamelle or other projectiles at the Rose Monday parade, you've only yourself to blame. A Cologne court ruled that throwing Kamelle is "socially customary, widely accepted, and permitted."

R for Raveaux, Franz – During the Biedermeier era, he organized a counter-carnival, leading Cologne to have two rival Rose Monday parades in 1845: one conformist, one rebellious. Later sentenced to death, he died in exile.

S for Session Obsessive – For him, Carnival without mandatory fool's caps is synonymous with anarchy.

T for Fanfare – Signals to revelers when it's time to laugh.

U for Infiltration – If you want sharper jokes, you'll have to infiltrate Carnival societies and do it better yourself.

V for Viva Colonia – The anthem by the band Höhner, whose lyrics even Bavarians and Ballermann tourists can belt out by heart.

W for Wild Pissers – Their corrosive urine is eating away at the centuries-old stone of Cologne Cathedral.

X for X-Fold Repetition – Carnival is the endless replay of the same old thing—an annual return of the shuffling undead.

Y for Y Chromosome – Carnival is male-dominated. Early in her career, when Carolin Kebekus called to ask if she could perform at a particular session, she was often told, "Sorry, the women's slot is already taken."

Z for Corrosive – The "corrosive and spiteful satires" of Carnival were a thorn in the side of Germany's first chancellor, Konrad Adenauer, who wanted to take legal action. But the Federal Ministry of Justice advised against it—reasoning that Cologne judges were probably Carnival fans themselves.